Love

Not many people can say what I say. I'm happy. Life ceases to amaze even me. Falling in love is strange, the most incredible thing in existence. People are bad but love is insane. I once watched a show where they described the feeling perfectly. It's the feeling of anxiety and confusion. When your holding you face in you hands and you slowly look up to see, a face, a glimpse of hope, there is nothing better. The best feeling is being wrong about something good. Being in so much pain from one person for so long, makes you week, until you over come the pain it makes you strong, stronger than any one can ever imagine. Maybe to strong, maybe bitterness fills you. No company is better than bad. Giving your true love to every one is much harder than giving it to one person. But giving it to one person is far more dangerous. Some people would go so far for love they would even fake it. Your not really in love you just want to be so bad you hurt your self and others to get it. Love is a dream that can only be made real on accident. You can't look for love, love will come for you like an evil spirit who can't rest or a lost soul searching for nothing. When it finds you it maybe good it maybe bad, there is no way of knowing which one until it's to late. Love is the best and love is the worst, what love feels you?

My life had changed my eyes had opened. I now know what makes life worth living, me .I'm happy because I am the only one who can control how I feel. No one but me. I am my own god I control what I do and what happens to me. I do things that I don't always think are right but I always try to justify them. But in the end my wrong actions will have the wrong affect and I will be punished. Not a lot of people stop and ask themselves What am I doing and should I do it. Too many people just do it and then ask why me after it comes back to slap them in the face, in some cases stab them in the back.

I don't need you in my life but I want you in my life. When should I say no? Shouldn't I know by now what to expect? Shouldn't you know by now, your just going to hurt me, why would you still try to do it? How can I step back and not repeat myself. My feeling for you are so strong I have trouble with which one I feel, love or just pure hate. It must not be to much hate if I'm able to love you with out ripping your head off. I don't think of you that much, mostly when you come around. I wish you didn't say you love me. I refuse to close my eyes and start walking towards what looks like a cliff. How could I ever justify anything I might do? I can't, other than to be selfish. I'm going to say if your ashamed to do something around some one it's probably a bad idea to do it. Judge me if you want I know I will.

Love is strange yet unforgiving. He pushes and pulls me like some one in love would do. But he is not in love with me, just some one else. Love is not an option, just something that comes and goes as it pleases. I don't know why I just do. Do you think I want to love some who doesn't love me or who I will never be with? No. In fact I don't even know if what I feel is really love I just assume, I feel like an idiot, so I must be in love. I hate love, I don't want to do it. If you ignore it, it can pass. I truly believe that but, only if you stay away. But of course you don't to stay away, you want to feel that love that torture in your life, it keeps you going keeps you thinking. For now I think I love you, how horrible is that?

Life moves you traps you keeps you. So stressed right now. Haven't been this stressed since I was trapped in a loveless mess. Everyday I feel you, love you, hate you. I try not to talk to you because I like you and I feel you do the same. On top of you I always have drama in my life. Not always big but always. It hurts that I want more of you but need less. Sometimes I wonder once I have you would I still want you. Just be mine already. I will stay away just because it's the right thing to do. Why do I think of you?

Why ask why?

DO I love you or am I just a fool? Sit and wonder
why, why do I sit here why do I wonder? Why
should I move off my seat. I think I do love you
and I know I'm a fool. I feel stupid just to wonder
about you. Why do I even want to be in your head?
Some times I imagine things that aren't there. Things
I want people to have but they really don't. I live inside
of my head always wanting what never was to begin with.
What if we are all just living in our own world made up by
movies and fake ideas of what people should be and what they
really are. Just a brain washed person like you are hoping for that
good person they created out their ass. I will always be there for you
even when I know you will never be there for me.

Push on, even if it takes you no where. Love life alone.